July 31 - Aug. 14, 2006

Monday, August 14, 2006

It just sank in. I'm leaving in two weeks to study abroad in Germany for a year!!! How do I feel? Some crazy combination of thrilled and terrified. You see, it's like this: Here I am now, at home, in Happy Smiley Land because life is great right now and I'm just, well, happy! I am now approaching the boundary between Happy Smiley Land and My Future which happens to include something I've dreamed of doing for many years - spending a year studying in Germany - and the possibility of finding out a good deal more about what the rest of my life might look like - or at least the next few years. My Future looks quite exciting, and in fact I've been anticipating it for quite some time. But see, in order to get there, I have to leave Happy Smiley Land behind. And even though I've always been excited to travel to My Future , I've never actually been there before. And, you see, it's not like going to Berlin on a vacation. If it were, I would be very briefly leaving Happy Smiley Land to journey to Holy Smokes I'm in Germany This is Soooooooo Sweet!!! Land . I'd be, like, going nuts. And I always pictured I'd be like that when I headed off for my year abroad. But now I'm worried that I'm going to miss out on that "initial euphoria" (as my study abroad packet defines the first phase of "culture shock") because I'll be missing Happy Smiley Land . It's really very silly because Happy Smiley Land is not going to disappear, and I do get to go back. It's not like I'm saying goodbye forever. (Now don't even get me started on what-ifs like, "What if God really is calling me to go live over there?" or "What if there really is a 'Günther' over there waiting for me to fall in love with him and marry him?" heh heh heh...) It all just seems so big. I'm heading off to Germany, saying goodbye to many people that I love and have felt so at home with this summer as well as the most amazing friends I could've hoped for at school. My brother starts his senior year of high school tomorrow. Like that's not weird or anything... riiiiiiight. Summer's basically over. It's weird. Weird weird. God, please grant me peace! Peace rules!

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Monday, July 31, 2006

I made a somewhat frightening realization tonight. As much as I've done this summer, I'm not sure what I've learned. I'm not sure how I've changed or grown. I'm not sure what God is doing in my life right now. Is it possible that I've been so concerned with trying to help or fix or improve other people that I've neglected to work on improving myself? Or have I just wound up not being fed somehow this summer? Or am I just unable to see what God is doing or what I'm learning and how I'm changing? That's a big deal! Also, I've made a decision. I don't really want an iPod or other mp3-player right now. I want to save my money to fly myself to Philly for Michelle's wedding. In other news, I really really really want to get over my trust issues. I'm tired of being secretly suspicious or skeptical of people I love, people who I'm supposed to trust as my leaders. I don't want to lose my own ability to discern (if I even have much of one), I just want to quit assuming the worst about people all the time. It's this really ugly form of pride and I'm quite infected by it. Oh yeah, VBS rocked my world. I am still ridiculously crazy about kids. Praise God for Hannah, who prayed to receive Christ as her savior at VBS! I had tons of fun. My mom worked at it too and we had a blast together. I've decided that grown-ups would be soooooooo much happier if they would get over themselves and just decide to be kids again. Like, no joke. Grown-ups are sooooooo boring and they think they're just too old and tired to do what kids do, and in some circumstances they might be, but most of the time, they really just think they're too cool, and they need to get over themselves because they're the ones missing out. Besides, God wants us to come to Him as little children, and He really meant it - you can learn an awful lot from kids. Wow this was a random post. :)

June 25 - July 20, 2006

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Had the BEST Wildwood ever this year! Hooray for rejuvenated family relationships and wonderful times with cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and of course my good ol' mom, dad & li'l' bro. P.S. For those who don't know, Wildwood is a little place on the New Jersey shore, where the Lordeman family has gone for summer vacation for 50 years now. It is a tradition I treasure. My favorite pic from the trip: This is a re-creation of a photo taken many many years ago. That's me and my bro with my cousins Tim, Craig and Julie.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

God always gets His way. It's because His way is better. He really knows what we need and what's best for us, even if it isn't what we want initially. Had a very humbling yet encouraging week at MDA camp. My feelings and attitude about MDA camp have changed quite a bit. I didn't really want to go back this year but boy did I ever need a week of caring for a disabled 16-year-old with a bunch of VERY southern and in some cases not so "sophisticated" people to realize how much sin is really in me and how desperately I need God's mercy and grace. It was an overwhelming dose of reality - a good hard look at how filthy I really am. Praise God that He alone makes me pure and has conquered all of that sin - regardless of how grueling the process of removing it all may be. I can't believe how proud I had become... how self-centered... unloving... I found myself, however, ending the week feeling very encouraged. I was humbled and honored to receive the female "Counselor of the Year" award along with my fellow counselor Kelly who also took care of Patricia with me. It was encouraging to see that those people - as distant as I feel from them at times - valued me as a counselor, in spite of my own personal opinion that I could've done the job a lot better than I did. It's always humbling and encouraging at the same time to receive some sort of honor you feel you didn't deserve. (I also got a very nice Eddie Bauer sleeping bag as a prize! Quite convenient! ) People were also sooooooooo supportive of us this year. Kelly and I shared a lot of laughs, even through the not-so-fun stuff. Patricia had the best night of her life Friday night at the dance and talked about it afterward until she feel asleep. She was so beautiful. I want pictures. And as much as I thought for sure that this would be my last year at MDA camp, I left knowing in my heart that I really wanted to come back. I feel like I'm really a part of it all, and it seems that God has broken through my stubborn pride enough for me to be able to see how I can really glorify Him at MDA camp. Perhaps the most encouraging thing was to observe the contrast between my outlook on Patricia's situation and that of the other counselors and staff. To them it's all hopeless, and they basically hate Patricia's mom and blame all the difficulties in Patricia's life on her, and they just can't wait to get away from it, though they do feel really bad for Patricia. But somehow I really believe there's hope for this family. Patricia's life is worth something in the Kingdom - it's worth a lot, and I really think this is just the beginning of a glorious journey with God that this family will embark on someday, hopefully soon. Maybe it's already begun. I guess we'll see. In other news, I saw the movie Cars tonight and I definitely approve. What a great story, with a great message behind it! I really needed that tonight. I also need sleep. And a shower. And a glorious Sunday morning with my Savior tomorrow. Good night...

April 2 - June 5, 2006

Monday, June 05, 2006

Okay I've definitely been putting off updating my Xanga, but I just posted a mondo-huge comment on Zach's and then I thought, "Maybe I should put this on my Xanga," and then I thought, "Or maybe I should just update my Xanga because I'm such a lazy bum." There ya have it. So what have I been up to? Well, my summer looks like this. Two days a week I babysit for this ridiculously sweet family from my church. I babysit their two boys, who are aged 8 and 10 and are the nicest boys ever. They don't even fight with each other. It's crazy. And they love going to the neighborhood pool, so guess who's gonna get an amazing tan this summer? Yup, it's me. :) The rest of the week I work at Cold Stone, which I absolutely love. It's just so much fun, and I love all the people I work for/with, and the customers are almost always really friendly too, and it's just super fun making people yummy ice cream treats all day. I love my job. In addition to that stuff, the Beth Moore women's Bible study group has started up again, which is fabulous. I love those ladies so much! They are so sweet and we all learn and grow so much. This summer we're doing a study called When Godly People Do Ungodly Things. It's a pretty deep/intense study about temptation and sin. I really believe God's going to do amazing things through our study this summer. (He always does!) Church is also fabulous. I love my church so much!!! I'm working with the teens this summer - I'm basically there to be sort of a background helper and example. It's really cool to realize how God can use even simple things that I say or do to have an impact on the teens, though I must confess it's kinda scary at the same time. It's a big responsibility, and for whatever reason, even seeing that I'm having a good influence kinda freaks me out. So if you remember me in your prayers, please pray that the Holy Spirit would overcome those fears and lead me on in what He is calling me to do, that I might not be distracted by other voices in my head that perpetuate the fears but instead listen to His voice as He speaks to me and guides me in being a loving example. So, I think that's pretty much all the news from here. If it's not, I'm too tired to think of anything I missed. Man I got tired fast. Much love to everyone!

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Well, I guess it's time for an update. But I gotta keep it quick because I'm sleepy! I fell asleep while proctoring an AP exam today! Fortunately I was only the assistant proctor... I packed up and headed home on Tuesday. Packing was okay - so much stuff to deal with, and a ridiculous amount of luggage to travel with, but fortunately Southwest is super cool and they let you check 3 pieces of luggage (unlike most, which only allow 2, and they charge you an arm and a leg to check an extra one or if your luggage is overweight), and they even let me gate-check my fourth, which I was carrying on, in spite of its ridiculous heaviness. Yes, that's right - I flew home with a huge suitcase (50 lbs), a ginormous duffle bag on wheels (50 lbs), a guitar in a hard case, a small suitcase full of books (yay for gate-checking!), my laptop in its carrying case, packed as tightly as possible, a purse, and a plastic grocery bag with random odds and ends that didn't fit anywhere, such as my ghetto CD-player, a hairbrush, a book for the plane, and I don't remember what else. Southwest is officially my favorite airline. It was also the first time I ever flew home from school or some other trip by myself without my flight being delayed or cancelled and with all of my luggage arriving at the airport with me. I ALWAYS get delayed (or worse) and I NEVER get all of my luggage - except for this time! Yay! I'll tell ya, nothing beats sleeping in your own bed after going several days with minimal sleep due to getting stuck in Trenton (FM gig), helping a friend move out, driving back late from DC to visit alumni friends, and packing ridiculous quantities of stuff until all hours of the night, frequently weighing yourself and then weighing yourself again while holding a ridiculously heavy suitcase to make sure it isn't overweight. I'm sore! I also officially hate materialism. Stuff sucks. I don't want any more of it. Except for an i-Pod or mp3 player of some sort. Yes, I am officially giving into technology and giving up my ghetto CD-player, but ONLY because I don't want to haul CD's over to Germany. That would just be a pain. Plus, I'm kinda into classical music these days and those tracks tend to be longer, meaning that fewer of them fit on a CD, so you get stuck listening to the same ones over and over unless you tote a bunch of CD's around. But, that being said, I should also add that I really don't want to pay for one. I'd really like to win one. Yes, I know the chances are slim, but please keep your eyes open for any ways you hear of to win an i-Pod that don't involve selling your identity! Luckily, contributing to my ability to purchase an expensive musical entertainment device is the fact that I got a job - just found out tonight, actually. I got hired to work at Cold Stone Creamery, the ice cream place my li'l' bro has been working at. I'm excited. But more on that later. Also a subject of further elaboration is that I am working with the youth group this summer at church, particularly aiming to help disciple some high school girls. Yippee! What's cool about this (and the ice cream job, too) is that I'm beginning to experience God giving me a heart for teenagers. Last summer was all about Him giving me a heart for kids (a rather ridiculous one at that - I am quite obsessed). Now that I'm a little bit older, I'm feeling ready and excited about loving and interacting with teenagers. I forgot sometimes that 15 or 16-year-olds are 4 or 5 years younger than me - that seems kinda weird, but it's also kinda cool because I feel like I can still relate, while not just being a peer. Cool. One last exciting little thing - ummm, those of you who know me at all are going to think I'm lying, but I think I like to read now. Yeah, like read books. ?!?!?! Okay, sleepy time. More later!

Thursday, May 04, 2006

First things first: HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST BROTHER EVER!!! (Hint: his first name is Jim and his last name starts with 'L' and ends with 'ordeman', and he's 17 today...) Next order of business... Thanks to everyone who came to my little shin-dig last night! It was really fun and such a treat to see so many friends in one night! Here's a couple random pics from the evening. Thanks again guys!!! I have food left over by the way, so please come visit me between now and Tuesday!!! Love to all!!!

Friday, April 21, 2006

	If I had to describe how I feel about life right now in one word, it would be... READY.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Here's some cool news... I found out today that I have been chosen by the German department as the recipient of the Daniel B. Shumway award - a $200 prize given to a female undergraduate student for excellence in German studies! Sweet! Not really sure why I was chosen but... it's pretty cool. (Don't ask me who Daniel Shumway is.) In other news, I'm going home tomorrow... as in, today. Hrmm. Still hasn't really sunken in. I wonder what that means? If you live in TN, call me so we can hang out this weekend!!!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

FM concert went well. Mother-daughter weekend (me and Shannon and our moms) starts Thursday! I am a happy German major and I am so excited about studying in Berlin next year. One little tidbit of coolness: As of today, I have officially read an entire German book cover to cover in its entirety. You might be thinking, "Gee C-Lo, isn't that kinda lame for a German major?" and, umm, yeah, it kinda is, but see, I've never really liked reading and I've always been uber slow and until now, I haven't really had to read a German book that I truly enjoyed, so I'd always end up getting behind, losing interest, and just skimming for whatever was necessary to write a paper or participate in a class discussion. What did I read? Meine freie deutsche Jugend, by Claudia Rusch. If you really look, you might be able to find an English translation of it - one does exist. A bigger tidbit of coolness: The other night, while taking a break from reading this book, I decided to search the web for a church in Berlin. I found one that looks really cool. Check it out (this is in English): http://pankow.feg.de/myfeg/index.php?html_seite=52 Much love to all.

March 16-18, 2006 (lots of pictures!)

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Fun pictures to share! Yippee!!! First of all, the new sunset background is from Big Break, which was absolutely amazing... Here are a few more pics of this beautiful place I stayed! Pretty, ain't it? Here's what my family sent me for my birthday... Daisies and a tiramisu birthday cake!!! Yummmmm... And of course, some fun pics from my voice recital tonight: Amani, me, and my favorite roomie :) My Turkish TA came to see me!!! Her name is Elif, she's ridiculously cute. Me and my voice teacher, Maureen Hope y'all enjoyed the photos. If you're sad you missed my recital and wanna come to another one, I'll be singing in one on Tuesday night - 8 pm at Amado Recital Hall in Irvine. :) Thanks to those who came! It was my first recital and it meant a lot to have so many wonderful friends there. Much love to everyone!

Thursday, March 16, 2006

So it seems my teenage years have officially been brought to a close. Yup, I'm 20. Two decades old. Weird. I have to say I'm happy about it. There is a little bit of sentimental value to the teenage years, but the really fun teenagey part of it ends when you go to college, so I kinda feel like the sentimental teenage stuff has already been gone for awhile. I'm excited because not being a teenager means I'm definitely an adult. And I think that's cool. I'm ready to be taken seriously, and I just don't think the world takes teenagers very seriously (which is a sad thing, in some respects). It's also super cool to think about the fact that as I enter the next decade of my life, there's some pretty crazy and amazing stuff ahead of me. As I close the door on teenagerhood, I open up the door of being a twenty-something (though I'm currently a twenty-nothing!) - I close the door on first dates, learning to drive and going to prom, and open the door to... graduating from college, going to grad school (probably), having my first real job, living in Germany, maybe even getting married... Is that crazy or what? It's really really cool. Up to this point, life has seemed to go by pretty slowly, but it's really gaining speed now. Still, it's really really weird to say that I'm twenty years old. Twenty. Twenty. I can't even say it yet without being like, "whoa..." Getting a birthday card from my family that said "Happy 20th birthday" was weird. It just looks and sounds soooo different from "Happy 15th" "Happy 17th" and even "Happy 19th." Happy 20th birthday. Twenty. Highlights of my day? ~being surprised with a cake and getting prayed for at Full Measure practice last night ~getting caked by Mel ~breakfast at Cereality with Shannon ~my mom sent me the sweetest email ever last night ~my Turkish professor calling me and singing Happy Birthday to me in Turkish ("İyi ki doğdun, Christina!") ~hilarious e-card from Scott, who also sang to my voicemail ~my family sent me a birthday tiramisu!!! ~talking to my Mutti at the exact time I was born (4:16 pm CST) ~daisies from Mutti! ~talking to my family ~lots of people wishing me happy birthday at Cru ~a cute present and hilarious card from Michelle ~Bubble Tea and tiramisu with Amani 'Twas a lovely birthday. In other news... I still feel like the world is just going way too fast, but my personal goal is to figure out how not to worry about how fast the world is going and just let the Lord lead me. This week has been a little frustrating because last week - Big Break, which I will write more about soon! - was absolutely amazing and I got to spend so much time so close to God. It was so perfect. But now there are 150 million things to do, maybe 3 of which I actually have time for, and there is so much I need to do and want to do that actually has eternal value and yet it's so hard to sift through everything. But all I can do is pray... Praise God for what He's doing. He rocks my socks off. :) Love to everyone!

Feb. 8-20, 2006

Monday, February 20, 2006

	Two wonderful, theraputic conversations (one with Amani, one with God) --> Christina at peace. It's a pretty day. :) Check out my V-day gift from my Mutti!
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Thursday, February 16, 2006

	Do you ever wonder how the lives of those around you would be different if you were willing to bare your soul?
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Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them. "Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. "When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' So he got up and went to his father. "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. "The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' "But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate. "Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 'Your brother has come,' he replied, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.' "The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!' " 'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' "

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Wednesday, February 08, 2006

A crazy thing happened yesterday. For the first time ever (I think), I was having a normal conversation in English (at small group) and a word came to mind in German before it came to me in English. In fact, I really struggled over the English word - I never really found the exact word I wanted, but I knew the German word. It came up without thinking about it. I had to, like, translate myself. Crazy!!! P.S. I LOVE people. Like, yeah... fabulous people. I love everyone. I'm happy. :) God is good.

Jan. 10 - Feb. 5, 2006

Sunday, February 05, 2006

	I just had the best weekend ever.

Monday, January 23, 2006

"I do not call you unfortunate," said the Large Voice. "Don't you think it was bad luck to meet so many lions?" said Shasta. "There was only one lion," said the Voice. "What on earth do you mean? I've just told you there were at least two the first night, and--" "There was only one; but he was swift of foot." "How do you know?" "I was the lion." And as Shasta gaped with open mouth and said nothing, the Voice continued. "I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the Horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you." (from The Horse and his Boy, by C.S. Lewis)

Thursday, January 12, 2006

	What if you're wrong? What if there's more? What if there's hope you've never dreamed of hoping for? What if you jump - And just close your eyes - What if the arms that catch you, Catch you by surprise? What if He's more than enough? What if it's love? You've been running as fast as you can You've been looking for a place you can land for so long But what if you're wrong?

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

How big is God? Well, to give you a little bit of an idea... Astronomers estimate that the universe is about 10 billion lightyears in diameter. How they got that number and how they think the universe is even measurable, I don't know. But that's BIG. And God is bigger than that! Cool, huh? To give you an idea of how small we are, our sun is one of about 200 billion stars in our galaxy. Astronomers think there are about 40 billion galaxies in the universe. With that information, they estimate that the number of stars in the universe is at least equal to the number of grains of sand on all the beaches in the world combined. That makes us microscopic. Astronomy is cool. :) Other classes are good too. Praise the Lord, I only have to read 3 books in German, not 7 like I thought initially. (I just about had a heart attack.) Theory is good. It'll probably be hard this semester, but... what can ya say. And of course Turkish is cute. Yes, cute. My prof and TA are the cutest people ever. I like my Turkish class. It feels really good to be back here.

Dec. 29, 2005 - Jan.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

I want to just be me. As in, me with God, not me without God. But me without a constant preoccupation with someone or something else. It's not about them, it's about Him, and me, together. I'm ready for my relationship with God not to be all about my relationship with them. So many strange feelings... It's kinda scary. I'm not sure I know exactly who I am without all that I've clung to for so long. And some things hurt. But if I can really be free... Wow, that will be such a great feeling! Somehow this semester, I want to discover who I am and learn to just be me and enjoy being me.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

I love my friends. They really are the greatest, and I don't appreciate them enough. God is so good to me and I really don't understand why I am so consumed by... well, basically one thing. I don't understand if I'm supposed to feel that way, I don't understand if I'm supposed to care that much, and I don't know if I even make sense. The only thing I do know is that God is holy and amazing and He has given me a thousand other blessings that I wish I were consumed by.

Monday, January 02, 2006

I highly suspect that the greatest prevention and/or remedy for anger, frustration, hurt feelings, and sin itself is compassion. It's the best tool for preventing selfishness (which, in my mind, encompasses all sin), stopping it if it's already begun, or bringing about repentance if it has already happened. It's the best cure for hurt feelings. And I do believe there is anger and frustration that is not selfish, but it is not directed toward people. When compassion comes, all selfish anger and frustration and all anger and frustration with people melts away. It is SO COOL! It makes life that much easier. It makes righteousness possible. It makes love possible. Just thought I'd share. I think my personal theme for 2006 might be compassion and selflessness. I'm really ready to live very differently this year.

Saturday, December 31, 2005

Highlights of 2005 JANUARY – "Girls State Northeast" retreat FEBRUARY – My 1st spiritual birthday. February was amazing. MARCH – My birthday, the Full Measure concert (with my family there), the Ginny Owens concert during Jesus Week APRIL – Declaring a major, mother-daughter weekend with Shannon and her mom, realization made on the 26th (see Xanga from that date) MAY – Finishing my freshman year of college, Amber and Mitzi’s visit, living with Bri and Danielle during senior week JUNE – Girls State, starting my job teaching at the museum JULY – Falling in love with my kids at the museum, the Beth Moore Bible study, finally experiencing a long-awaited healing and making it through my first big struggle as a Christian AUGUST – Rejoicing with the Galardi family, visiting Shannon in California, singing with Mrs. Clark on my last Sunday at church before I left SEPTEMBER – Getting back to Penn and reuniting with everyone!, starting my voice lessons for Music 10 OCTOBER – D.C. trip with Shannon, singing “Brave” at FamPAN (on the 22nd) NOVEMBER – Ridiculously beautiful weather, Mom visiting for the Full Measure concert, Thanksgiving Philly/NYC trip with the BHS band DECEMBER – Coming home for the holidays!!! Especially visiting the high school and my first Sunday back at church, when I was running around hugging everyone!!!

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Currently Reading The Chronicles of Narnia By C.S. Lewis see related THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA (the books) are FREAKIN' AMAZING. Like, for real. Go read 'em.