Ah, it's time for a Xanga. I've been journaling more lately (as, like, with a pen), so I've been neglecting this thing a little bit - apologies to those of you who miss my Xanga posts. (And a shout-out to my faithful readers!) Only one more week of classes left, which is kinda weird. It went by so fast. I'm definitely not finished - so much work to do! - but things are generally wrapping up and it's sinking in that I've pretty much completed a year of college. I declared a major (a bit earlier than most, but there's no pressure, it's easy to change) and I'm set on at least one minor (music!), and my future is actually beginning to materialize a bit. That doesn't mean it can't change, but it's cool to at least have some idea that seems a bit tangible. It also feels like a time of renewal and rebirth - spring can have that effect, but for me it has a lot to do with the fact that I'll be home in a month, and I'm thinking more and more about that. Some relationships seem to be growing/healing, and although at any given time my feelings about the approaching summer can vary quite a bit, generally I think I'm looking forward to it. I do think it will be a challenge though - the nature of the experience itself and also the fact that it will be a time in which I'm going to challenge myself a lot. I have a lot of goals for the summer and I really don't want to let any of them down. The last few weeks-ish have been a struggle for me, mentally and especially spiritually. I don't feel very connected to God and it's taking a lot for me to stick it out. I know God is using this time to really work in my life and He's showing me some changes I need to make. It's a bit overwhelming but I know He'll help me and I just have to take it one day at a time. God is also really blessing me and strengthening me and I'm grateful for that. I guess that was a really vague description of what my life has been like lately, so I guess if you're still curious, feel free to ask me. I need to get to sleep soon so I didn't want to get myself caught up in writing any insane novels. I hope you are all basking in this glorious time of year, being filled with His Spirit (even if you don't know what that means) and overflowing with joy. I love you all!!! | |
How blind am I... God's presence is in those things. I can sure feel that. Praise Him! | |
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God is so good. For some reason of His own, God is allowing me to go through this really strange and difficult time in my walk where He really seems far away. My brain knows He's as close as ever, but my heart just doesn't feel it. It's been really hard to motivate myself to pray and read the Bible lately and it's just so weird feeling like my faith is such a distant or empty part of my life. But the really cool thing is, for one, He's still here and there's a purpose for this, but for another, while He's (seemingly) far away, He's sending me packages! God is sending me such wonderful blessings - the only blessing I'm either not receiving or not seeking is the actual time and closeness with Him. Of course, I miss it a lot and I don't want it to go on, but even in a time when things might be bleak without the sense of His presence, He's pouring out His love with such sweet blessings - a call here, an email there, visits and sunsets and daffodils, friends and family... He is so good to me. So so good. I just thought I ought to share that. I hope you are all filled with His goodness and love today. "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." -Romans 15:13 |
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