So it's been awhile since there's been a 'Stina post. Life has been a little crazy and very confusing lately, but God is good. I guess I'll try to explain without going into too much detail. Last weekend, of course, I went home to Tennessee. It was wonderful. Wonderful to see my family. Wonderful to see my friends. Wonderful to drive on Concord Road. I couldn't have asked for things to be any better. There was just one thing that went wrong. There was a misunderstanding between me and someone very important to me, and consequently I have spent the last week trying to figure out who I am, who God wants me to be, who this person is, who God wants her to be, and what our relationship is supposed to look like. I still have not found the answers. It was a problem that should have been addressed a long time ago but I guess neither of us had the courage. There was anger, resentment. Things I never thought would exist between us. In the end a dear friend of mine saved me from returning to Philly consumed by bitterness. But there was a lot to be dealt with beyond what we seemed to resolve in our actual conversation. What I'm unsure about is how much I'm supposed to care. Is it possible to love too much? To care too much? Am I insane? Am I just a stupid 18-year-old kid dealing with homesickness? I never thought I was homesick. Honestly I didn't. But what do I know about myself now? Can I communicate with her now, now that all this has happened, or will she just laugh at it, think I'm crazy? Who's normal? I feel like I am just plagued with doubts right now. I just never thought this would happen. I never thought it would be like this. Would God let this go without things working out to their full potential? Is this the full potential? Is that possible? A lot of questions... fortunately I have a God Who can answer them if I just trust. It isn't easy but somehow I have to do it. God, please pull me through this. Please help me make some sense out of this. Please don't let me be brokenhearted for too long, and don't let my heart be hardened. Make it what You want it to be. Make me who You want me to be - I'm all Yours. | |
| ~Father, I want to thank You For the gifts You've given me And the people whose lives I treasure And so constantly want to be with them always Knowing everything they think and do And I know this is just a tiny part Of the way You must feel too~ There's a cry in my heart For Your glory to fall For Your presence to fill up my senses There's a yearning again A thirst for discipline A hunger for things that are deeper Could You take me beyond? Could You carry me through? If I open my heart? Could I go there with You? (For I've been here before But I know there's still more Oh, Lord, I need to know You) For what do I have If I don't have You, Jesus? What in this life Could mean any more? You are my rock You are my glory You are the lifter Of my head Lifter of this head | |
Hey folks!!! I'm in Tennessee now!!! Yay!!! Fall break has been good so far. Last night (the football game) was really weird but I'm getting used to be home again. It's weird because it feels like home, but I'm kind of an outsider... And Penn kinda feels like home too. I don't know. But I'm at my best friend's dorm right now at Vandy (I love you Binu!!! haha you're not reading over my shoulder) and having a blast. I hope everyone is having a safe and fun fall break, getting some rest, lying down in green pastures, being refreshed and replenished... Much love to all. :) |
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