Jan. 5-10, 2005

Monday, January 10, 2005

Back in Philly again, and it feels great, praise God. Had the most awesome flight home. I had my row to myself, and I had decaf coffee, which made me happy because I just randomly wanted coffee on this flight, and I didn't do anything at all, I just sat there and rested and felt at peace. I felt perhaps slightly numb but that was soooooooo comforting for me. Seriously, I think I have some kind of crazy mind disease where I just think way too hard all the time and it's almost always about the same pointless things in my life. Not really pointless, but, umm, momentarily hopeless? That still sounds depressing. That's not what I mean. Had an interesting morning at church. Being with certain people was wonderful, singing that song was amazing - I was felt like I was just praying, not really singing. People were blessed by it. A woman that I don't even know told me she missed me. That was really beautiful. It makes me really happy when I can bring people joy, when I can be a blessing. That's why that whole thing was so hard... But I left all of that on the stage this morning when I sang that song. It's gone, it's over, forgiven, it's past, and I feel... this new freedom. That flight was so nice because even though my mind kept coming back to the situation, every time I got to it I just thought about how many miles away all of that was, and the fact that it's out of my hands now, and I'm moving on with my life, and... it's okay. Now that I'm on my own and I'm independent again, I'm really working on my personal relationship with God, and the independence helps that a lot. That was another nice thing about the flight. It was just me and God, and, for once, NO ONE ELSE. On a completely different subject... it was bittersweet to leave my family today. My dad and I cried when we said goodbye. My grandma and I both got teared up too. I got slightly teary when I said goodbye to my mom at the airport, but she didn't cry and I can't cry if she doesn't. If I did I think she would worry about me being homesick or something, I don't know. So I tried to just smile through it. Both my parents cried this morning when I sang, and my mom cried again when I sat down next to her for the message. My family is so sweet, and so precious, and they're under the care of God's wings... okay now I'm getting teary. I am having CRAZY accent issues. Thanks primarily to Ferrell, who accused me of having a northern accent. Yeah whatever. So I finally got really good at talkin' southern, and now I'm back in Philly, and I don't know how to talk, it's ridiculous. Oh well! I would like to send a shout-out to all my Tennessean readers. I love you all and miss you dearly. I hope my craziness and my struggles have not gotten in the way of our time together. You are all so special and so precious to me in your own ways, and all I have for you is love. For everyone in Philly, I can't wait to get back together. I love you guys immensely and you bring me so much joy, you make me absolutely love Philadelphia and Penn and college and... everything. See y'all real soon. Christina's deep thought for the night: Don't ever be afraid to give your heart away. I love you all so much I can't stand it. I really mean that.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

I'm so glad God isn't crazy like we people are. God is HOLY, no matter what. I'm so glad I get to sing about it on Sunday. Here are the words: Holy, You are still holy, even when the darkness surrounds my life Sovereign, You are still sovereign, even when confusion has blinded my eyes Lord I don’t deserve Your kind affection When my unbelief has kept me from Your touch I want my life to be a pure reflection of Your love So I come into Your chambers, and I dance at Your feet, Lord You are my Savior, and I’m at Your mercy All that has been in my life up to now belongs to You For You are still holy Amen! Love and peace to all.