July 31 - Aug. 14, 2006

Monday, August 14, 2006

It just sank in. I'm leaving in two weeks to study abroad in Germany for a year!!! How do I feel? Some crazy combination of thrilled and terrified. You see, it's like this: Here I am now, at home, in Happy Smiley Land because life is great right now and I'm just, well, happy! I am now approaching the boundary between Happy Smiley Land and My Future which happens to include something I've dreamed of doing for many years - spending a year studying in Germany - and the possibility of finding out a good deal more about what the rest of my life might look like - or at least the next few years. My Future looks quite exciting, and in fact I've been anticipating it for quite some time. But see, in order to get there, I have to leave Happy Smiley Land behind. And even though I've always been excited to travel to My Future , I've never actually been there before. And, you see, it's not like going to Berlin on a vacation. If it were, I would be very briefly leaving Happy Smiley Land to journey to Holy Smokes I'm in Germany This is Soooooooo Sweet!!! Land . I'd be, like, going nuts. And I always pictured I'd be like that when I headed off for my year abroad. But now I'm worried that I'm going to miss out on that "initial euphoria" (as my study abroad packet defines the first phase of "culture shock") because I'll be missing Happy Smiley Land . It's really very silly because Happy Smiley Land is not going to disappear, and I do get to go back. It's not like I'm saying goodbye forever. (Now don't even get me started on what-ifs like, "What if God really is calling me to go live over there?" or "What if there really is a 'Günther' over there waiting for me to fall in love with him and marry him?" heh heh heh...) It all just seems so big. I'm heading off to Germany, saying goodbye to many people that I love and have felt so at home with this summer as well as the most amazing friends I could've hoped for at school. My brother starts his senior year of high school tomorrow. Like that's not weird or anything... riiiiiiight. Summer's basically over. It's weird. Weird weird. God, please grant me peace! Peace rules!

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Monday, July 31, 2006

I made a somewhat frightening realization tonight. As much as I've done this summer, I'm not sure what I've learned. I'm not sure how I've changed or grown. I'm not sure what God is doing in my life right now. Is it possible that I've been so concerned with trying to help or fix or improve other people that I've neglected to work on improving myself? Or have I just wound up not being fed somehow this summer? Or am I just unable to see what God is doing or what I'm learning and how I'm changing? That's a big deal! Also, I've made a decision. I don't really want an iPod or other mp3-player right now. I want to save my money to fly myself to Philly for Michelle's wedding. In other news, I really really really want to get over my trust issues. I'm tired of being secretly suspicious or skeptical of people I love, people who I'm supposed to trust as my leaders. I don't want to lose my own ability to discern (if I even have much of one), I just want to quit assuming the worst about people all the time. It's this really ugly form of pride and I'm quite infected by it. Oh yeah, VBS rocked my world. I am still ridiculously crazy about kids. Praise God for Hannah, who prayed to receive Christ as her savior at VBS! I had tons of fun. My mom worked at it too and we had a blast together. I've decided that grown-ups would be soooooooo much happier if they would get over themselves and just decide to be kids again. Like, no joke. Grown-ups are sooooooo boring and they think they're just too old and tired to do what kids do, and in some circumstances they might be, but most of the time, they really just think they're too cool, and they need to get over themselves because they're the ones missing out. Besides, God wants us to come to Him as little children, and He really meant it - you can learn an awful lot from kids. Wow this was a random post. :)

June 25 - July 20, 2006

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Had the BEST Wildwood ever this year! Hooray for rejuvenated family relationships and wonderful times with cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and of course my good ol' mom, dad & li'l' bro. P.S. For those who don't know, Wildwood is a little place on the New Jersey shore, where the Lordeman family has gone for summer vacation for 50 years now. It is a tradition I treasure. My favorite pic from the trip: This is a re-creation of a photo taken many many years ago. That's me and my bro with my cousins Tim, Craig and Julie.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

God always gets His way. It's because His way is better. He really knows what we need and what's best for us, even if it isn't what we want initially. Had a very humbling yet encouraging week at MDA camp. My feelings and attitude about MDA camp have changed quite a bit. I didn't really want to go back this year but boy did I ever need a week of caring for a disabled 16-year-old with a bunch of VERY southern and in some cases not so "sophisticated" people to realize how much sin is really in me and how desperately I need God's mercy and grace. It was an overwhelming dose of reality - a good hard look at how filthy I really am. Praise God that He alone makes me pure and has conquered all of that sin - regardless of how grueling the process of removing it all may be. I can't believe how proud I had become... how self-centered... unloving... I found myself, however, ending the week feeling very encouraged. I was humbled and honored to receive the female "Counselor of the Year" award along with my fellow counselor Kelly who also took care of Patricia with me. It was encouraging to see that those people - as distant as I feel from them at times - valued me as a counselor, in spite of my own personal opinion that I could've done the job a lot better than I did. It's always humbling and encouraging at the same time to receive some sort of honor you feel you didn't deserve. (I also got a very nice Eddie Bauer sleeping bag as a prize! Quite convenient! ) People were also sooooooooo supportive of us this year. Kelly and I shared a lot of laughs, even through the not-so-fun stuff. Patricia had the best night of her life Friday night at the dance and talked about it afterward until she feel asleep. She was so beautiful. I want pictures. And as much as I thought for sure that this would be my last year at MDA camp, I left knowing in my heart that I really wanted to come back. I feel like I'm really a part of it all, and it seems that God has broken through my stubborn pride enough for me to be able to see how I can really glorify Him at MDA camp. Perhaps the most encouraging thing was to observe the contrast between my outlook on Patricia's situation and that of the other counselors and staff. To them it's all hopeless, and they basically hate Patricia's mom and blame all the difficulties in Patricia's life on her, and they just can't wait to get away from it, though they do feel really bad for Patricia. But somehow I really believe there's hope for this family. Patricia's life is worth something in the Kingdom - it's worth a lot, and I really think this is just the beginning of a glorious journey with God that this family will embark on someday, hopefully soon. Maybe it's already begun. I guess we'll see. In other news, I saw the movie Cars tonight and I definitely approve. What a great story, with a great message behind it! I really needed that tonight. I also need sleep. And a shower. And a glorious Sunday morning with my Savior tomorrow. Good night...

April 2 - June 5, 2006

Monday, June 05, 2006

Okay I've definitely been putting off updating my Xanga, but I just posted a mondo-huge comment on Zach's and then I thought, "Maybe I should put this on my Xanga," and then I thought, "Or maybe I should just update my Xanga because I'm such a lazy bum." There ya have it. So what have I been up to? Well, my summer looks like this. Two days a week I babysit for this ridiculously sweet family from my church. I babysit their two boys, who are aged 8 and 10 and are the nicest boys ever. They don't even fight with each other. It's crazy. And they love going to the neighborhood pool, so guess who's gonna get an amazing tan this summer? Yup, it's me. :) The rest of the week I work at Cold Stone, which I absolutely love. It's just so much fun, and I love all the people I work for/with, and the customers are almost always really friendly too, and it's just super fun making people yummy ice cream treats all day. I love my job. In addition to that stuff, the Beth Moore women's Bible study group has started up again, which is fabulous. I love those ladies so much! They are so sweet and we all learn and grow so much. This summer we're doing a study called When Godly People Do Ungodly Things. It's a pretty deep/intense study about temptation and sin. I really believe God's going to do amazing things through our study this summer. (He always does!) Church is also fabulous. I love my church so much!!! I'm working with the teens this summer - I'm basically there to be sort of a background helper and example. It's really cool to realize how God can use even simple things that I say or do to have an impact on the teens, though I must confess it's kinda scary at the same time. It's a big responsibility, and for whatever reason, even seeing that I'm having a good influence kinda freaks me out. So if you remember me in your prayers, please pray that the Holy Spirit would overcome those fears and lead me on in what He is calling me to do, that I might not be distracted by other voices in my head that perpetuate the fears but instead listen to His voice as He speaks to me and guides me in being a loving example. So, I think that's pretty much all the news from here. If it's not, I'm too tired to think of anything I missed. Man I got tired fast. Much love to everyone!

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Well, I guess it's time for an update. But I gotta keep it quick because I'm sleepy! I fell asleep while proctoring an AP exam today! Fortunately I was only the assistant proctor... I packed up and headed home on Tuesday. Packing was okay - so much stuff to deal with, and a ridiculous amount of luggage to travel with, but fortunately Southwest is super cool and they let you check 3 pieces of luggage (unlike most, which only allow 2, and they charge you an arm and a leg to check an extra one or if your luggage is overweight), and they even let me gate-check my fourth, which I was carrying on, in spite of its ridiculous heaviness. Yes, that's right - I flew home with a huge suitcase (50 lbs), a ginormous duffle bag on wheels (50 lbs), a guitar in a hard case, a small suitcase full of books (yay for gate-checking!), my laptop in its carrying case, packed as tightly as possible, a purse, and a plastic grocery bag with random odds and ends that didn't fit anywhere, such as my ghetto CD-player, a hairbrush, a book for the plane, and I don't remember what else. Southwest is officially my favorite airline. It was also the first time I ever flew home from school or some other trip by myself without my flight being delayed or cancelled and with all of my luggage arriving at the airport with me. I ALWAYS get delayed (or worse) and I NEVER get all of my luggage - except for this time! Yay! I'll tell ya, nothing beats sleeping in your own bed after going several days with minimal sleep due to getting stuck in Trenton (FM gig), helping a friend move out, driving back late from DC to visit alumni friends, and packing ridiculous quantities of stuff until all hours of the night, frequently weighing yourself and then weighing yourself again while holding a ridiculously heavy suitcase to make sure it isn't overweight. I'm sore! I also officially hate materialism. Stuff sucks. I don't want any more of it. Except for an i-Pod or mp3 player of some sort. Yes, I am officially giving into technology and giving up my ghetto CD-player, but ONLY because I don't want to haul CD's over to Germany. That would just be a pain. Plus, I'm kinda into classical music these days and those tracks tend to be longer, meaning that fewer of them fit on a CD, so you get stuck listening to the same ones over and over unless you tote a bunch of CD's around. But, that being said, I should also add that I really don't want to pay for one. I'd really like to win one. Yes, I know the chances are slim, but please keep your eyes open for any ways you hear of to win an i-Pod that don't involve selling your identity! Luckily, contributing to my ability to purchase an expensive musical entertainment device is the fact that I got a job - just found out tonight, actually. I got hired to work at Cold Stone Creamery, the ice cream place my li'l' bro has been working at. I'm excited. But more on that later. Also a subject of further elaboration is that I am working with the youth group this summer at church, particularly aiming to help disciple some high school girls. Yippee! What's cool about this (and the ice cream job, too) is that I'm beginning to experience God giving me a heart for teenagers. Last summer was all about Him giving me a heart for kids (a rather ridiculous one at that - I am quite obsessed). Now that I'm a little bit older, I'm feeling ready and excited about loving and interacting with teenagers. I forgot sometimes that 15 or 16-year-olds are 4 or 5 years younger than me - that seems kinda weird, but it's also kinda cool because I feel like I can still relate, while not just being a peer. Cool. One last exciting little thing - ummm, those of you who know me at all are going to think I'm lying, but I think I like to read now. Yeah, like read books. ?!?!?! Okay, sleepy time. More later!

Thursday, May 04, 2006

First things first: HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST BROTHER EVER!!! (Hint: his first name is Jim and his last name starts with 'L' and ends with 'ordeman', and he's 17 today...) Next order of business... Thanks to everyone who came to my little shin-dig last night! It was really fun and such a treat to see so many friends in one night! Here's a couple random pics from the evening. Thanks again guys!!! I have food left over by the way, so please come visit me between now and Tuesday!!! Love to all!!!

Friday, April 21, 2006

	If I had to describe how I feel about life right now in one word, it would be... READY.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Here's some cool news... I found out today that I have been chosen by the German department as the recipient of the Daniel B. Shumway award - a $200 prize given to a female undergraduate student for excellence in German studies! Sweet! Not really sure why I was chosen but... it's pretty cool. (Don't ask me who Daniel Shumway is.) In other news, I'm going home tomorrow... as in, today. Hrmm. Still hasn't really sunken in. I wonder what that means? If you live in TN, call me so we can hang out this weekend!!!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

FM concert went well. Mother-daughter weekend (me and Shannon and our moms) starts Thursday! I am a happy German major and I am so excited about studying in Berlin next year. One little tidbit of coolness: As of today, I have officially read an entire German book cover to cover in its entirety. You might be thinking, "Gee C-Lo, isn't that kinda lame for a German major?" and, umm, yeah, it kinda is, but see, I've never really liked reading and I've always been uber slow and until now, I haven't really had to read a German book that I truly enjoyed, so I'd always end up getting behind, losing interest, and just skimming for whatever was necessary to write a paper or participate in a class discussion. What did I read? Meine freie deutsche Jugend, by Claudia Rusch. If you really look, you might be able to find an English translation of it - one does exist. A bigger tidbit of coolness: The other night, while taking a break from reading this book, I decided to search the web for a church in Berlin. I found one that looks really cool. Check it out (this is in English): http://pankow.feg.de/myfeg/index.php?html_seite=52 Much love to all.

March 16-18, 2006 (lots of pictures!)

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Fun pictures to share! Yippee!!! First of all, the new sunset background is from Big Break, which was absolutely amazing... Here are a few more pics of this beautiful place I stayed! Pretty, ain't it? Here's what my family sent me for my birthday... Daisies and a tiramisu birthday cake!!! Yummmmm... And of course, some fun pics from my voice recital tonight: Amani, me, and my favorite roomie :) My Turkish TA came to see me!!! Her name is Elif, she's ridiculously cute. Me and my voice teacher, Maureen Hope y'all enjoyed the photos. If you're sad you missed my recital and wanna come to another one, I'll be singing in one on Tuesday night - 8 pm at Amado Recital Hall in Irvine. :) Thanks to those who came! It was my first recital and it meant a lot to have so many wonderful friends there. Much love to everyone!

Thursday, March 16, 2006

So it seems my teenage years have officially been brought to a close. Yup, I'm 20. Two decades old. Weird. I have to say I'm happy about it. There is a little bit of sentimental value to the teenage years, but the really fun teenagey part of it ends when you go to college, so I kinda feel like the sentimental teenage stuff has already been gone for awhile. I'm excited because not being a teenager means I'm definitely an adult. And I think that's cool. I'm ready to be taken seriously, and I just don't think the world takes teenagers very seriously (which is a sad thing, in some respects). It's also super cool to think about the fact that as I enter the next decade of my life, there's some pretty crazy and amazing stuff ahead of me. As I close the door on teenagerhood, I open up the door of being a twenty-something (though I'm currently a twenty-nothing!) - I close the door on first dates, learning to drive and going to prom, and open the door to... graduating from college, going to grad school (probably), having my first real job, living in Germany, maybe even getting married... Is that crazy or what? It's really really cool. Up to this point, life has seemed to go by pretty slowly, but it's really gaining speed now. Still, it's really really weird to say that I'm twenty years old. Twenty. Twenty. I can't even say it yet without being like, "whoa..." Getting a birthday card from my family that said "Happy 20th birthday" was weird. It just looks and sounds soooo different from "Happy 15th" "Happy 17th" and even "Happy 19th." Happy 20th birthday. Twenty. Highlights of my day? ~being surprised with a cake and getting prayed for at Full Measure practice last night ~getting caked by Mel ~breakfast at Cereality with Shannon ~my mom sent me the sweetest email ever last night ~my Turkish professor calling me and singing Happy Birthday to me in Turkish ("İyi ki doğdun, Christina!") ~hilarious e-card from Scott, who also sang to my voicemail ~my family sent me a birthday tiramisu!!! ~talking to my Mutti at the exact time I was born (4:16 pm CST) ~daisies from Mutti! ~talking to my family ~lots of people wishing me happy birthday at Cru ~a cute present and hilarious card from Michelle ~Bubble Tea and tiramisu with Amani 'Twas a lovely birthday. In other news... I still feel like the world is just going way too fast, but my personal goal is to figure out how not to worry about how fast the world is going and just let the Lord lead me. This week has been a little frustrating because last week - Big Break, which I will write more about soon! - was absolutely amazing and I got to spend so much time so close to God. It was so perfect. But now there are 150 million things to do, maybe 3 of which I actually have time for, and there is so much I need to do and want to do that actually has eternal value and yet it's so hard to sift through everything. But all I can do is pray... Praise God for what He's doing. He rocks my socks off. :) Love to everyone!

Feb. 8-20, 2006

Monday, February 20, 2006

	Two wonderful, theraputic conversations (one with Amani, one with God) --> Christina at peace. It's a pretty day. :) Check out my V-day gift from my Mutti!
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Thursday, February 16, 2006

	Do you ever wonder how the lives of those around you would be different if you were willing to bare your soul?
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Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them. "Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. "When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' So he got up and went to his father. "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. "The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' "But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate. "Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 'Your brother has come,' he replied, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.' "The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!' " 'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' "

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Wednesday, February 08, 2006

A crazy thing happened yesterday. For the first time ever (I think), I was having a normal conversation in English (at small group) and a word came to mind in German before it came to me in English. In fact, I really struggled over the English word - I never really found the exact word I wanted, but I knew the German word. It came up without thinking about it. I had to, like, translate myself. Crazy!!! P.S. I LOVE people. Like, yeah... fabulous people. I love everyone. I'm happy. :) God is good.

Jan. 10 - Feb. 5, 2006

Sunday, February 05, 2006

	I just had the best weekend ever.

Monday, January 23, 2006

"I do not call you unfortunate," said the Large Voice. "Don't you think it was bad luck to meet so many lions?" said Shasta. "There was only one lion," said the Voice. "What on earth do you mean? I've just told you there were at least two the first night, and--" "There was only one; but he was swift of foot." "How do you know?" "I was the lion." And as Shasta gaped with open mouth and said nothing, the Voice continued. "I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis. I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead. I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept. I was the lion who gave the Horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time. And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you." (from The Horse and his Boy, by C.S. Lewis)

Thursday, January 12, 2006

	What if you're wrong? What if there's more? What if there's hope you've never dreamed of hoping for? What if you jump - And just close your eyes - What if the arms that catch you, Catch you by surprise? What if He's more than enough? What if it's love? You've been running as fast as you can You've been looking for a place you can land for so long But what if you're wrong?

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

How big is God? Well, to give you a little bit of an idea... Astronomers estimate that the universe is about 10 billion lightyears in diameter. How they got that number and how they think the universe is even measurable, I don't know. But that's BIG. And God is bigger than that! Cool, huh? To give you an idea of how small we are, our sun is one of about 200 billion stars in our galaxy. Astronomers think there are about 40 billion galaxies in the universe. With that information, they estimate that the number of stars in the universe is at least equal to the number of grains of sand on all the beaches in the world combined. That makes us microscopic. Astronomy is cool. :) Other classes are good too. Praise the Lord, I only have to read 3 books in German, not 7 like I thought initially. (I just about had a heart attack.) Theory is good. It'll probably be hard this semester, but... what can ya say. And of course Turkish is cute. Yes, cute. My prof and TA are the cutest people ever. I like my Turkish class. It feels really good to be back here.

Dec. 29, 2005 - Jan.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

I want to just be me. As in, me with God, not me without God. But me without a constant preoccupation with someone or something else. It's not about them, it's about Him, and me, together. I'm ready for my relationship with God not to be all about my relationship with them. So many strange feelings... It's kinda scary. I'm not sure I know exactly who I am without all that I've clung to for so long. And some things hurt. But if I can really be free... Wow, that will be such a great feeling! Somehow this semester, I want to discover who I am and learn to just be me and enjoy being me.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

I love my friends. They really are the greatest, and I don't appreciate them enough. God is so good to me and I really don't understand why I am so consumed by... well, basically one thing. I don't understand if I'm supposed to feel that way, I don't understand if I'm supposed to care that much, and I don't know if I even make sense. The only thing I do know is that God is holy and amazing and He has given me a thousand other blessings that I wish I were consumed by.

Monday, January 02, 2006

I highly suspect that the greatest prevention and/or remedy for anger, frustration, hurt feelings, and sin itself is compassion. It's the best tool for preventing selfishness (which, in my mind, encompasses all sin), stopping it if it's already begun, or bringing about repentance if it has already happened. It's the best cure for hurt feelings. And I do believe there is anger and frustration that is not selfish, but it is not directed toward people. When compassion comes, all selfish anger and frustration and all anger and frustration with people melts away. It is SO COOL! It makes life that much easier. It makes righteousness possible. It makes love possible. Just thought I'd share. I think my personal theme for 2006 might be compassion and selflessness. I'm really ready to live very differently this year.

Saturday, December 31, 2005

Highlights of 2005 JANUARY – "Girls State Northeast" retreat FEBRUARY – My 1st spiritual birthday. February was amazing. MARCH – My birthday, the Full Measure concert (with my family there), the Ginny Owens concert during Jesus Week APRIL – Declaring a major, mother-daughter weekend with Shannon and her mom, realization made on the 26th (see Xanga from that date) MAY – Finishing my freshman year of college, Amber and Mitzi’s visit, living with Bri and Danielle during senior week JUNE – Girls State, starting my job teaching at the museum JULY – Falling in love with my kids at the museum, the Beth Moore Bible study, finally experiencing a long-awaited healing and making it through my first big struggle as a Christian AUGUST – Rejoicing with the Galardi family, visiting Shannon in California, singing with Mrs. Clark on my last Sunday at church before I left SEPTEMBER – Getting back to Penn and reuniting with everyone!, starting my voice lessons for Music 10 OCTOBER – D.C. trip with Shannon, singing “Brave” at FamPAN (on the 22nd) NOVEMBER – Ridiculously beautiful weather, Mom visiting for the Full Measure concert, Thanksgiving Philly/NYC trip with the BHS band DECEMBER – Coming home for the holidays!!! Especially visiting the high school and my first Sunday back at church, when I was running around hugging everyone!!!

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Currently Reading The Chronicles of Narnia By C.S. Lewis see related THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA (the books) are FREAKIN' AMAZING. Like, for real. Go read 'em.

Dec. 13-18, 2005

Sunday, December 18, 2005

I have the most wonderful church family. You have NO idea how much ridiculous fun I had running up to people and hugging them today. And everytime I thought I had finally hugged everyone, there were more people to hug. People that I love and that I really know and who are part of a family that by the grace of the God, I am a part of too. One of the best feelings in the world is when you just run to hug someone because you're just that excited to see them. I did a lot of runnin' and huggin' today! I'm so glad God did the work He did in me this summer so that I could have this amazing joy and blessing now. (Of course, that's not the only reason, but...) I'm super happy. Wow. I LOVE BCN!!!

Saturday, December 17, 2005

	For all the times I said, "I love you," I never really told you, Never really showed you, And all the times I thanked you, I never really gave you Complete thankfulness and praise Oh Lord, You've given me so much And though my eyes were blind to see You've revealed it again to me

Friday, December 16, 2005

I LOVE being home. Like, seriously, it's so good it's hard to believe at times. I'm really home. In Tennessee. With soooooooooo many people I love and it's almost CHRISTMAS and everything is just so good. Highlights of my day: 1. Going to the high school and seeing TONS of fabulous people... such as Erin Roberts, Ferrell, Adrienne Center, Jen Crumm, Anna Kenzie, Mrs. Moody & Mrs. Clark, Chelsea Barker, Ashleigh Robinson, Blair, and many more... I got to talk to so many wonderful people and hear about how wonderfully they are doing and it was so sweet. And I got to hear the jazz choir sing The Christmas Song, which was definitely a treat. :) 2. Hanging out with AMY THOMAS!!! Woohoo!!! We had lunch at Noshville, which wasn't great, but it was with Amy Thomas so it didn't matter. And fortunately I was able to find her dorm even though I had only been there once, because I left my cell phone at home and couldn't call her. BUT, since I went to her dorm, I also got to see Rachel Kernodle and another of their roommates, Breanne, who is really cool. Did I mention it was soooooooo good to hang out with Binu again?!?! 3. Taking a nap in my own bed. 4. Waking up from said nap to the sound of the 2002 BHS Christmas concert, going downstairs and watching Mom put up Christmas decorations. And of course, we ate some more of my yule log. (Yum.) The only bad part of today is that now I need to write a paper. But I've already done the reading and everything for it, so hopefully I'll be able to get it done quickly. But, I feel like procrastinating for just a little while longer, so... Okay this is really random, but I think it's really funny how I always end up making airport friends. Part of that could be because I frequently end up on delayed/canceled/redirected flights, but seriously, I never go on a trip without acquiring a few temporary buddies. I remember them. Last year when I went home for Christmas I actually played cards with some people because our flight was delayed for so long and we were so bored, and they were all just coming back from Las Vegas so they were into playing cards. :) (I didn't gamble with them though.) This time my "buddies" were a girl from Delaware who lived in Nashville for 5 years and was going back to visit friends who was probably 3 or 4 years older than me and had a weird blend of "northern" and southern accents, and a woman from Columbia (TN) who had three children who were now adults. I never heard why she was on a flight from Philly to Nashville. The three of us ended up being "buddies" because we were in line behind each other getting tickets for the flight they transferred us to. We didn't really talk that much, but when we were waiting at the gate in Charlotte (where we had to connect), we kinda stood next to each other, as if we felt more secure with our "buddies." I thought it was quite amusing. Alright, time to hit the paper. Much love to everyone!!!

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

I wish Rachmaninoff had been more like Mahler. Music theory has made me into such a nerd! But see, I'm not even a smart nerd, I'm just one big nerdy fool... oh man. Somehow, all this music theory stuff will be over in less than 48 hours. Hopefully I'll have written a song of some sort before then. I don't think I've ever been quite so dramatically torn between immense joy and excitement about coming home and intense stress and anxiety and fear about getting everything done. I honestly feel like such a failure for not being able to handle this. I'm supposed to be on top of things like every other Penn student. Whatever. Christmas caroling with Full Measure was super fun today. I actually forgot about my Rachmaninoff song for awhile. I had so much fun!! I especially had fun conducting, especially since these were pretty choral-y arrangements... hehe. Except I had a really hard time singing alto and conducting "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" at the same time. That was a bit of an overload for my brain! Alrighty, study break over. Back to my Mahler paper. Much love to everyone!!!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Can't I just go home now without this whole finals/essays/RACHMANINOFF SONG business? Rachmaninoff, you must DIE!!! Oh wait... he's already dead... I wonder if I've finally reached my limit. I always figured at some point in my study of music theory I would get to a point where I just wasn't smart enough to go any further. Right now, I sure do feel like I'm driving head-on into a brick wall! Have I reached my limit? Nah... God's just taking His time writing it for me. (I hope!!!) Luckily, I think all of my other work is doable. I just read the story of David and Goliath in the Bible. Don't ask me why I've neglected to read it all this time. We all know the story but if you actually go and read it, it's ridiculously amazing!!! David's faith was so incredible. I want to be like that. I wanna just take a sling shot and peg Rachmaninoff right in the forehead... >>Heh I'm kidding, comparing Rachmaninoff to Goliath is probably a little harsh... but the guy's hands could reach a twelfth on the piano (1.5 times what I can reach!) so he probably was a pretty big guy...<<> Deep breath. To sleep, or to work on a paper... hmm tough choice. I choose Xanga! Haha. I'm done with this crazy and bizarre post. Oh wow, life is weird sometimes. I'm confuddyduddled about a great number of things. All for God's glory........

Nov. 28 - Dec. 3, 2005

Saturday, December 03, 2005

I think this might actually be for real. It sounds so crazy and there are a hundred voices in my head telling me I can't do it or that I don't actually want it, but... I can see it. And somehow I just can't imagine doing anything else. I want to become a choir director. I want to teach music, teach singing. And I want to conduct. There it is. Not a secret anymore. If anyone has suggestions for me on how to get there, I gladly welcome them!

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

	This is Asher Malachi Owens. He was born last Tuesday to two of the sweetest people on the planet (they go to my home church). He was 10 weeks early so he's really tiny - keep him in your prayers. But how precious...

Monday, November 28, 2005

Ah, it's Christmastime. My initial thoughts? 1. Yay! I love Christmastime! 2. C-Lo, let's have a non-"leidenschaft-y" Christmas this year, ok? 3. God, can I have a non-"leidenschaft-y" Christmas this year? Basically... I love this time of year, a whole whole lot, and in fact I think Christ's birth is something we should celebrate and honor much more than once a year. I hate what the world has done to Christmas. It is sooooooooo much more. And I really really really want to spend the next 2 1/2 weeks NOT feeling homesick. I want to enjoy God's presence in my life right here wherever I'm at, and keep my focus on HIM alone, not anyone else. I'm not saying I don't want to love my friends and family but... I need to spend a lot more time just loving God this Christmas season. The only Leidenschaft I should feel should be at the thought of our great, holy, awesome God stepping down from His throne and becoming a helpless infant lying in a manger, only to grow up and be trampeled on, to suffer, die, and be raised again to save His own creation who strayed from Him - to bring us back home, to the kingdom of Heaven He wanted to share with us even though we don't deserve it. The story of the prodigal son is so incredible... Our God is so amazing. Can I just say something real quick to my readers? I know that not all of you who read my Xanga are born-again Christians, and you might not even know much about how I came to be one myself. (Please feel free to ask me about it anytime - I'd love to tell you about it!) But if there's anything I should ever share with you - any window into a piece of me that I should choose to open up to you via this crazy thing called Xanga - it is the unfathomable and unimaginable greatness of the God who created all of us and the unsurpassable joy of knowing Him personally - knowing that He gave everything in order to save me from myself. My sins deserve punishment and death and nothing will ever change that. But God chose to be a God of both justice and grace, and in His great mercy He took the punishment for me and gave Himself, His own precious Son, as a sacrifice to redeem me. If you don't know this to be true, if you haven't received that gift of salvation or don't understand what I'm talking about, I pray that you will ask me or another Christian about it and that you will just ask God to reveal Himself to you. Even if you're not sure if you believe in God right now, you can still ask Him and He will do it. And as we all enter into this wonderful Christmas season, I pray that our hearts and our minds are focused on what Christmas is really all about, and here's a hint: it's not about us! I didn't plan on writing that long of a post at all. Much love to everyone. Oh, and by the way, "Leidenschaft" is the German word for passion, which comes from the verb "leiden" which means "to suffer." It still means passion but I think it's somehow more descriptive than the word passion itself.

Sept. 23 - Nov. 8, 2005

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

You must come! Unless you, like, live in Tennessee or some other state. Tickets are on sale now! Life is crazy, though kinda slowing down at the moment as well... Classes are slowing down, FM is picking up (obviously). But life is good. I get to see my mommy in less than 3 days and my dad and bro (and mommy again) in about 2 weeks. I'm totally stoked. Haha. I just used the word stoked. What's on my mind these days? Well, let's see... the two biggest things would have to be 1) my future... well, at least the next year and a half of it and 2) church stuff. Short elaborations follow: I'm trying to figure out where I want to study abroad next year. Obviously, it will be in a German-speaking country. I've gone ahead and basically narrowed it down to Germany or Austria. Thing is, I'm just not totally sold on Penn's programs, which are in Berlin and Munich, so that means I have find a program on my own. And my biggest challenge is trying to find a way to incorporate lots of music classes and probably education classes (or even music ed? ja?) in addition to the German. Which occaisionally sends me into thinking, "Am I'm actually going to major in German?" "Could I be a music major?" "What am I gonna be when (if.. haha) I grow up?" There are some fun and crazy ideas floating around in this head of mine. As for the church stuff... this has been a bit of a toughy. I've been thinking and praying about this for awhile, and I'm just not sure if the church I've been going to is really the right place for me right now. The church and the people are great, but it just doesn't quite seem like the right place for me personally. I feel like I haven't really been challenged or spiritually "nourished" at church this semester, so I think I need to look around at other churches and see if maybe there's a better fit out there. On Sunday I talked to the pastors at the church I've been going to, and that went pretty well. They were very understanding. It just makes me kinda sad, it's tough. I've been to one other church now and plan to follow up there, and also hopefully check out two other churches that several of my friends go to. So I would definitely appreciate prayers that God would give me wisdom and discernment, and also compassion as I make this transition (potentially). Alright, it's past my bedtime and I'm getting up early tomorrow to pray with Bri and Ashley... oh man. Wow. Much much love to everyone!!!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

	Woohoo!!! It's November!!! I realized this very early this morning and it just gave me this little burst of happiness for some reason. Thought I'd share.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Totally amazing... We sang "Brave" tonight for FamPAN (our first "gig"!!) and it was totally incredible!!! Things that made it rock: 1. Holy Spirit :) 2. Ashley sounded soooooooooooooo beautiful, especially when you could hear her voice through the entire concert hall... took my breath away 3. Everyone seemed to just have sooooooooooo much fun up there 4. We were jammin'! 5. I really felt like we were telling the story. And I was personally blessed because that song was very much my story (and still ought to be) God's faithfulness became so beautiful apparent to me. It occurred to me up there... and this is crazy, but... I can't believe the contrast between tonight and where I was and what I was doing a year ago today. (I'm weird and I actually specifically remember.) God changed me so much and it made my life so much better! And it is only by His grace, mercy, patience, and persistence that I was able to experience that change. The way it had always been was no longer good enough, and things aren't that way anymore! It's so great! 6. We are such a FAMILY and I know that I am incredibly blessed to be a part of that family. I know I don't deserve it. But I'm so thankful for it. It's always humbling and also encouraging to be around these amazing followers of Christ. 7. Did I mention it was ridiculously FUN? :) FMers, I love y'all!!!!!

Monday, October 10, 2005

"Come Home" - Overflow All my hopes and dreams came true today My life won't be the same You opened up my eyes and let the healing begin You brought me hope within You took away the chains that once held me down Now I can hear You say Come home, come home You're calling me into your arms I've been gone, for so long I can hear You calling out my name I can't believe how much You sacrificed You chose death to give me life I won't cry for myself anymore I've found what I\'ve been looking for You were with me all this time You've been watching me for so long I can hear You calling out my name I've been waiting, anticipating, patiently waiting for you

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Short update... The 05-06 Full Measure group ROCKS my socks off. What a cool group! We just got back from the retreat, which was amazing. We had lots of fun bonding time and I can sense that we're going to be a very tight-knit group this year. And did I mention that everyone is so awesome?? I'm sooooooooo excited!!! I had my first voice lesson on Friday from an absolutely amazing teacher. I was like going crazy, she's so awesome. Her voice is absolutely beautiful, she is sooooo sweet and she wants to work on fun high stuff with me (coloratura, for music buffs) and she seems so enthusiastic and I'm just like... wow. Normally it takes me a long time to get used to taking private lessons from somebody, but we just clicked right away. I learned SO MUCH just in one lesson! Wow! And it was so cool because I actually had really prayed that God would bless it in some way, and He was so there. I'm sooooooo happy. God is sooooooooo good. He gave us music and then He gave us AWESOME music!!! Yay!!!

Friday, September 23, 2005

I gave a testimony at Cru tonight - yes, that means Thursday night, which became yesterday like 4 hours ago... I don't have class on Fridays, heh heh... Anyways. I gave a testimony about what God taught me this summer about fellowship/relationships/what it really means to be part of a family, part of the body of Christ. And for the first time ever in the history of my name being Christina, my testimony was actually organized in a logical way by the grace of God - you all know how much I like to ramble. (Like I'm doing right now.) But since it's actually organized and understandable, I thought I'd contribute it to Xanga, since I never really wrote about it explicitly this summer. Three reasons why I was afraid/anxious/nervous about going back to my home church at the beginning of the summer: 1. Conflict/changes in relationship with h.s. choir director - I felt awkward about it, didn't know what to expect, was afraid she wouldn't really care anymore 2. BCN has no college ministry in the summer and the oldest kids in the youth group are several years younger me, so there was no ministry that I fit into by default 3. I felt "out of the loop." Had I been gone long enough that people had sort of forgotten about me or no longer cared as much about me? Arriving at home actually felt pretty good. I was happy to be back, and people were happy to see me. But I still felt disconnected. Even at the end of June, when I'd been at home more than a month, if you'd asked me I would've told you I wasn't really fellowshiping with my church, wasn't enjoying the body of Christ. I wasn't sure if I was part of the family. Four events that changed my idea of what it meant to be part of a family: 1. Choir director and pastor went to Europe for 2 weeks, and the youth group was gone for one of those two weeks. All the people I normally associated with by default were taken away. I realized that I was closing myself off from the family because I wasn't pouring into the whole family. 2. I found a place to serve, helping out with 3rd-5th grade Sunday school. I always knew in my head that you go to church to serve and not to be served, but I realized I hadn't been living that out. Getting involved in something where I could serve and learn at the same time gave me a sense of purpose at church and gave me connections I would never have made (with kids and their families) otherwise. 3. I got to know and grow close to a family that was hurting and needed prayer. God laid it on my heart to really invest in praying for them and following up with them, asking how they were doing and getting to know each member of the family. He gave me a heart to suffer with them and to rejoice with them as well. (And allowed me to witness the power of prayer in a huge and awesome way.) 4. Choir director and pastor came back, and I finally learned what it means to love without fear. In a Bible study over the summer I'd learned what the verse "Love never fails" really means. We may think God's love doesn't fail, but our love seems to fail all the time - we love people, and sometimes they reject us. That's failure, right? No. The word for "fail" here actually means "to drop away, to fall." The verse means, in a way, that love never hits the ground. If the person you are loving doesn't "catch" it or receive it, it doesn't just fall - God catches it. God receives it. When we love another person, we love God, regardless of the other person's reaction. And that is the ultimate goal, right? Knowing that finally gave me the courage to break free of the awkwardness and restraint I was holding myself back with. I wanted to love God by loving them, and with that intention, God gave me a completely new heart for them. He gave me compassion for them like I'd never known before. And He gave me a new desire to honor them and love them not for myself - so I could receive their response - and not even for them, because I didn't know how much they wanted it, but for my Father. I wanted to love Him as a daughter should love because I am His daughter and that is such an incredible miracle. And that was when God really healed the wounds I'd had for so long. In the Beth Moore study we did this summer she mentioned that reconciliation with another person will not necessarily bring peace. We need God to heal us. In this case, the new compassion He gave me conquered any desire to find fault. It made me blind to any fault but my own. I saw my selfishness in a way I had been blind to before, and He began to really deal with that in me. So God gave me a new love for my church family - a love that wasn't about me, and was only indirectly about them. It was all about Him. Truly loving requires faith - that God will always receive that love, that love never fails - and genuine selflessness. People may never know how much you love them. They may never know if or how much you pray for them. They might not realize your love or receive it even if it's right in front of their faces. (Fortunately, this didn't happen to me!) But if you want to be part of a family, that doesn't matter. I don't have to talk to my mom everyday to know that she's my mom and she loves me. I don't have to be engaged in conversation with someone at any given moment at church to know that the people there care about me and love me. So just LOVE and you can't go wrong because God will receive that love and give it back to you in infinitely more beautiful ways that you can imagine. Look at me, I still rambled! I didn't even say half of that stuff in my testimony at Cru! Ahh whatever. God is still teaching me so much from that experience. God is just amazing like that. Do you believe it? Can you feel it? I LOVE you guys!!!!!

Aug. 31 - Sept. 19, 2005

Monday, September 19, 2005

Who is He that makes me happy? Who is He that brings me peace? Who is He that brings me comfort, and turns the bitter into sweet? Who is stirring up my passion? Who is rising up in me? Who is filling up my hunger with everything I need? Creator God, the Great I AM, the LORD of all, Rose of Sharon, the Righteous Son, the Three-in-One, He is YAHWEH. The LORD said to [Moses], "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD ? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." -Exodus 4:11

Monday, September 12, 2005

Alright, time for a 30-second synopsis. My life in CRAZY busy, but things are going pretty well. Classes are cool. Music theory will be fun - lab (ear-training) will be hard. German will be kinda hard but also fun and challenging and interesting. Turkish was really scary the first day, but the second day was totally fun - it's a really fun language! My history class is l-o-"ong" - 3 hours straight, once a week - but again very interesting. It's ancient Middle Eastern civilization, which is basically most-ancient-ever civilizations. Also, I made Music 10 - woohoo! good audition - and will start voice lessons soon, and since it carries an ensemble requirement, I will be singing in the Baroque ensemble. I'm basically doing that just because it fits my schedule, unlike everything else, but I think it'll be cool, and a little different, and... yeah. Yay for music. Speaking of music, Full Measure preliminary auditions just ended tonight, and call-backs are Thursday. In less than a week, we will have a whole new group of newbies, I'm so excited. Campus Crusade stuff is cool, but very busy right now. I'm anxious to get to know more freshmen. Small group starts tomorrow night. Good stuff. My dorm this year is really cool - Shannon and I are having fun living together (I think!). We can cook, which is way cool, and we have matching duvet covers and lots of cute things in our room. (hehe) I miss home, but in a happy way. Like, that probably doesn't really make sense, but..... I'm happy in that I feel at peace about everything at home, and I know that I have an amazingly loving family (that extends beyond my actual "family") to come home to. People I love are doing awesome things and God is blessing them as He is blessing me. I feel so good about things at home. Unfortunately, I must now hit the books. But, all my love goes out to all o' y'all (or yous guys, whichever applies). May His grace and mercy fill you with peace and joy. I love ya!

Monday, September 05, 2005

WOOHOOOOOOOOO PENN!!!!!!! College!!!!!!! Yeah!!!!!!!!! I LOVE being back here and I LOVE not being a freshman. I feel so FREE and everything feels fresh and exciting. Everywhere I go, it's a reunion. Back with friends, back into my "real life" for right now. I love it and I think the yucky feelings last week were probably a sign that it was time to go. Feeling so horrible last week made me really appreciate being here, having a fresh start, and so much to look forward to. I am so thankful. God is the best!!! To everyone in my wonderful home state - I love you so much and I'm so thankful for the amazing summer I had with you. Thank you for loving me, for being a part of this amazing summer and allowing me to learn and grow so much. You mean the world to me, no matter where I am. To everyone at Penn - WAHOO!!! Time to party!!! :) Love and peace to all - God is good, all the time. :)

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

This is even harder than I thought. I think I'm depressed about going away and not coming back until Christmas and I've been lying to myself about it for two days now. I actually physically feel depressed, and it sucks, but all of a sudden I'm kinda scared. Penn is great and I know things will be great there but I guess I'm afraid of losing... well, the closest thing to home I've known thus far. I'm not the same naive little girl I was a year ago who thought I could pack everything into a box and bring it with me. I can't drag Brentwood to Philadelphia. And what if... God, I am being so stupid! There's no reason to think I'm going to lose this home - or what's important about it, at least - just like there was no reason to fear back in May that it wouldn't feel like home this summer. It all worked out better than expected, right? So why worry now? I guess it's just harder to say goodbye when you have a one-way ticket and your own set of luggage. And knowing myself really deep down, I'm probably also terrified that the next three days aren't going to be absolutely perfect and things will be left unresolved and... Man I really hate myself for being so dramatic and emotional sometimes. I just... I almost feel sick. I hate it. It's been going on for two days and I just want to feel at peace but I'm stuck with this sick feeling. And in the meantime I feel like I'm wasting the time I have left and definitely doing nothing for God's glory and... I guess it's time for bed. Love and peace to all - you all mean the world to me.

Aug. 19-29, 2005

Monday, August 29, 2005

Highlights from my last Sunday at BCN until Christmas: Singing with Mrs. Clark - apparently we made a lot of people cry... My Sunday school class tonight - Peyton (red shirt on L), Rowdy, Emma, Katie, Quentin (giving Katie bunny ears), Jillian (purple), Camille (glasses). Silly kids.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

I did something fun today. (As in, Monday.) A man at our church requested yesterday at our church picnic that Mrs. Clark (h.s. choir director) and I sing the song we sang last year when I graduated - The Prayer. He said no pressure, but he'd love to hear us do it again. We kinda looked at each other, said, "Okay" and there we were today, in the choir room at the high school singing together and laughing and having a great time. It was fun! I was a little nervous beforehand because I was afraid I wasn't going to sound good, but it was fine and we had fun and it was cool. I'm excited that I get to sing at church before I leave. I wasn't sure if that was going to happen, but it looks like it is! In other news, I'm off to Cali tomorrow to visit the coolest roomie ever, Shannon!!! I'm sooooooooooo excited and we are going to have sooooooooooooo much fun. Woohoo!!! Have I packed? Mmmmmmmm no. Have I started? Mmmmmmm no. Heehee... Yeah. Guess I should get to my other procrastination projects now so that I can eventually pack. Heehee. Love and peace to all. Summer's almost over... whoa...

Public - 12:20 AM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it

Friday, August 19, 2005

Christina, your love has not failed. Even if they don't receive it, God does. It never hits the ground. So rejoice! And be patient. Maybe this is only the beginning. You are not alone. Remember Who you really belong to. Let go and give them time. God will give you what you need to persevere in love. The story is going to be better than you could ever dream. "You were perfect when you were born." (-Mom)

Aug. 5-17, 2005

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

I love my church. It's going to be harder to leave it again than it was the first time.

Monday, August 08, 2005

	One year ago today...

Saturday, August 06, 2005

	I miss him already. Yes, today was his last day...

Friday, August 05, 2005

	PRAISE GOD!!! The Galardi kids are staying!!! I don't think I've ever seen a family rejoice so much... Nor have I gotten to be a part of such rejoicing. WOW>. God is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo GOOD.